Tyger! Tyger! burning bright
In the forests if the night
What immortal hand or eye
Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?
-William Blake, Songs of Experience
The Year of the White Tiger is upon us and it does not bode well for Jennykins, Tiger’s opposite, the Monkey. Call me flaky, but I decided to consult Chinese astrology to see what it had to say about this year in my cycle of change. This year promises radical change, instability and social upheaval. I am fearful and skeptical of this change though I need it desperately. I’ve reached the end of another 3-year cycle, a time when changing my life is essential. Something’s gotta give. The last change came three years ago when a crisis of faith prompted my decision to teach. The change before that came six years ago when I transitioned from student to quarterlife crisis in a four-month anxiety-riddled smokefest.
From what I could glean from the many Chinglish websites,* the metal Monkey’s cleverness, skill and creativity will help me out of whatever jams I’m going to get into. “Monkey will lose something old while at the same time gain something new.” Sounds like a marriage superstition. What of the borrowed and the blue? I’ll be revisited by past problems and I’ll need to deal with them immediately. TAXES!!! Backlog? And how! One website suggested if I engage in water sports, I risk becoming paraplegic. Good grief! Monkey is destined to spend a lot of time travelling—World Tour 2010!!!— the first bit of good news I’ve heard about the next twelve months so far. Eventually, however, my reputation will suffer and my ambitions will be temporarily disrupted. Jenny Donkey is staying clear of the Atlantic Coast of Costa Rica this year in an effort to abstain from sex tourism.
Tiger is said to thwart fire, thieves and ghosts. This is good news since I don’t have content insurance at the time of this writing. For some reason, the mere smell of fire evokes feelings of guilt deep in the pit of my stomach. I’m convinced I was an arsonist in a past life. Or a burn victim. And though I have nothing of value to steal, I worry because my upstairs neighbour has a tendency to leave the front door open. At these times, I could sure use Tiger’s power to foil the band of marauding skags indigenous to my beloved neighbourhood who would spirit up to my unit and bereave me of all my coveted kitsch. As for ghosts, I’ve had plenty, but I’m currently being haunted by the spirit of my twelve-year-old self. It’s a downright possession and girlfriend needs to take her tweenage shyness, awkwardness and lack of hair product awareness back to middle school quickly before I sick Tiger on her.
The take home message is for me to work on what I’m already doing rather than venturing into the unknown. How boring. So while other astrological signs suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, I’ll be sitting home on Saturday nights balancing the chequebook and watching the Platonic shadow puppets dance on the wall. Good times!
Kung Hei Fat Choy everyone! Good luck. I really mean that. Now let’s hug it out.
* Find Your Love Today! And make happy someone special … orientbrides.com
